smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
