Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
