Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
