We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
