i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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