he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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