Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
