Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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