I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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