I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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