shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
