She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
