No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
