you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
