Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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