Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
