Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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