Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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