ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
