I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
