I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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