I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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