This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
