i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
