Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
