is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
