It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
