so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
