Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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