in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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