Just took my morning after pill in the library
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
