Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
