Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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