So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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