Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
