seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
