She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
