i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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