were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We are all done wearing pants today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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