every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
