just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
