There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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