yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dick very happy bro
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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