I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
