This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
