I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
