he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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