I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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