Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
