Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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