Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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