Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
