i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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