My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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