I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
