You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
