So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
