He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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