You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
