I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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