How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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