she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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