Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so let's talk penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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