Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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