She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
