Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
