I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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