he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
