today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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