I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
