Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
