May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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