Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
