I look better un-naked...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BRING THE BAGELS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize