I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
