Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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