why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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