I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
